Mia the Fish and the purpose of death

Mia the fish died today. She is the fourth fish to die in as many weeks. For some reason this one was different. Two days ago (the day Mia's friend, Barney died) I said, "it looks like Mia is dying too." Eden immediately dropped to her knees and said, "quick! I'll say a prayer!" I wanted Eden to be prepared for what I thought was the inevitable so I said, "well, that is a good idea but sometimes those we love still die. Remember, we said lots of prayers for daddy but he still died." "Yes mom, but it was okay for daddy to die but not Mia the fish!"* She then proceeded to offer up a heartfelt prayer. She asked her Father in Heaven to help her know how to help Mia live. 


At the same time I was fervently praying too. "Please, please answer this prayer for her! Help me know what I should do to help this fish. She just wants this fish to live and You can't have a higher plan for this fish so help us help it to live, please!" Miraculously Mia lived for three more days. In that time Eden seemed to become resolved with the passing of this one more fish. She has done the flushing of the other fish but hesitated to flush Mia. Eventually she did and there were no tears.

Having fish was a "Phil thing." As a little child, Phil thought he would like to be a veterinarian. He loved animals and showed such compassion for them. Perhaps the only conflict we had that was never resolved was whether to get a dog. He wanted one but only if it could truly cohabitate with us . . . indoors. I was ok with idea of a dog as long as it never cohabitated with us. Finally he asked if, for Eden's second birthday, we could get a fish. I agreed. We had four die in quick secession and then came Happy who lived and lived. Phil changed the water and made sure Happy was fed. Eden and Phil would look at the fish and talk to it and each other. It was their thing.

After Phil died, we moved and left Happy behind. Since then Eden has been anxious to get fish again. Each attempt by me has failed. This time I bought an actual aquarium (we've always just done a bowl) with a filter and lights. I've purchased water test strips and read articles about how to keep goldfish alive. I thought it was a bit ridiculous to spend all this money on creatures that cost 13 cents each. So, I upgraded. I bought Barney and Mia for around 3 dollars each. Still, I don't have Phil's sense. Phil loved the fish and Eden. I love Eden and therefore want desperately to be successful with the fish. Perhaps that is the difference. 

http://e2.aqua-fish.net/imgs/articles/goldfish3.jpg

*I've wondered what she meant by "it was okay for daddy to die." I think what she meant is that she realizes and understands that death is what was best for her daddy. He was so sick. This doesn't mean that she doesn't have hard times. She does, but in her amazing faith and perspective she knows that Phil's death was appointed and that we've been supported and succored through the daily hard times without him.